You work hard as a nanny! Long days of activity planning, meal prepping, and potty training can leave you in need of a well-deserved vacation, once in a while. But how will your nanny-family manage without you? Don't worry, we promise they will.

Working long hours without building time for a personal nanny vacation can leave you feeling burned-out and frustrated, and no employer wants that. If you're thinking about using some of your vacation days to go on a trip, just make sure to make an extra effort to prepare your nanny-family for your time off. Here's some tips on how you can make for the smoothest experience possible, for both you and your employers. 

Freeze a few dinners by making a double batch of the children's favorite meals. Lasagnas, soups, breaded chicken, and other items that freeze easily are great things to store away for while you're gone. Make sure anything else your replacement nanny might need is also stocked, such as laundry detergent, diapers, shampoo and conditioner for the children. 

   Line up some replacements for each of the days you'll be gone, or give suggestions of nannies they could call and interview if they would prefer to take the lead. Ask around if any of your nanny friends can cover any of the days you'll be gone. If your employers would prefer to interview your replacement themselves, ask your friends if you can pass along their contact information. ​Use your nanny network!

​    Jot down notes of your routines and general day-to-day duties. You don't have to write an entire handbook, but it can be helpful to put into writing what your typical schedule looks like, to make the transition as easy as possible both for the family and for your replacement. Write down some of the children's favorite foods, favorite local parks, or favorite bedtime stories. These tips will go a long way in making your absence as easy as possible for your nanny family. But it will also show them just how much you care about their family and are paying attention to their children. 

     For a parent of a child with even a mild food allergy, it can be extremely daunting to leave your child with a new person, one who may slip and forget what snacks have hidden ingredients, or to double check with the kitchen staff at a new restaurant.  For your peace of mind, here are some great tips to help ensure that you and your nanny are on the same page when it comes to how to feed your children. 

     Here at Kith & Kin, we're huge believers in work agreements! Putting details in writing allows both parents and nannies much greater peace of mind, so that uncertainties and misunderstandings don't arise down the road and all expectations are clear.
            If you are the parent of a child with a food allergy, or if you just want to make sure your nanny is preparing a similar diet to what you already have in place for your child, putting the details in a contract can be extremely helpful. If there are certain food items or ingredients that your child must not eat, then lay those out in writing.  If you only let your child have a sweet snack on certain special occasions, explain this in the contract.
         While this might seem overbearing, remember that your nanny is not a mind-reader, and it always helps to have something to refer back to! Every family is a little different, and the way you approach your child's diet will not necessarily be the same as the family they have worked with before. Laying out all the specifics for your child's diet, will help avoid uncertainty for your nanny. Be sure to give your nanny a copy of the contract, and/or put it up somewhere in the kitchen where they can use it for reference if ever they have a question. 

       If you are the parent of a child with a food allergy, you might have learned to prepare specific dishes in order to avoid certain ingredients. You also will be aware of which prepared foods have hidden ingredients that could be dangerous for your child's food allergy.
        In order to ease your nanny into the food norms of your family, write out a sample menu for a week or two, and give it to them to refer or add to. Include the dishes that your child is used to, and you would normally prepare for them, along with ingredients and instructions for your nanny.
         Providing a menu for the first few weeks will ease your nanny into your lifestyle and food preferences, and get them acquainted with the types of dishes and ingredients your child is used to. Eventually, these dishes and ingredients will become second nature to your nanny. Include suggestions for snacks and prepared foods that are OK with you. Also include a detailed list of foods and snacks that are not okay to feed your child with a food allergy. 
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        The experience of eating a meal out a restaurant can be so stressful and tedious. Even the most well-meaning kitchen staff might not be aware of every ingredient in their dishes. While it can be easy for a nanny to grab a quick lunch in the middle of their day out with your child, if you are the parent of a child with a food allergy you know that sometimes it's best to avoid eating out all-together.
      Explain this to your nanny, and make sure you always have meals or ingredients to prepare a quick and easy meal for your child on hand. If you know for certain of specific restaurants or dishes that are safe for your child to eat, write out a list of those and include it in your nanny's work agreement. After all, when it comes to having a child with a food allergy, you can't be too specific with your requests or requirements.

       Before the first day of work, make sure your child's nanny knows the specific protocol should they have an allergic reaction. Write down for your nanny the specific instructions that they should follow if your child shows signs of a reaction (and even talk about what those signs are).
       If your child needs to be administered an epileptic-pen, make sure your nanny always carries one on their person and knows exactly how to use it - The Red Cross has special trainings for this, and it's prudent to pay for your nanny to attend.
     Be sure to write down the contact information for which doctor to call, or which hospital to go to, in the case of an emergency, and have a copy of this in their diaper bag, backpack, and stored in a Note on your nanny's phone - anywhere that is easily accessible.

      As with any case of a child with a special need or care, the most important piece of advice is to be, and constantly remain, as prepared as possible, while also preparing others in case Plan A falls through.  By following these tips and strategies, your nanny will be ready and knowledgeable about what is safe and what is not. When in doubt, your nanny can pass on an item and substitute it for something else. If you have time to prepare your child's food, do. If not, provide your nanny with clear instructions on what to prepare for your child's meals. Leave many ready-to-go snacks for your nanny to give your child, if they're out for the day. 
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       All of these tips will help set you up for success and ensure there are no misunderstandings or missteps in the event of an allergic reaction!

Please note: this blogpost covers domestic employees in New York State. It is intended to educate nannies and housekeepers on the benefits of accepting legally paid salaries; it is not to replace the advice of a lawyer, as the laws that are constantly changing. Please consult a reputable payroll company such as HomeWork Solutions for more information on your specific state's domestic employment laws and procedures.

       We here at KITH & KIN often hear candidates state that they only want to be paid in cash, despite being able to accept legal pay, for many understandable reasons. While admittedly, it is the norm for many domestic workers to be paid illegally in cash (an estimated 75%!), there are a myriad of benefits and protections household employees lose out on by being paid in cash, and when accepting cash only for a nanny job, you are also assuming all risks for you and your family's future financial and health situation, especially should you find yourself out of work for a period of time -- a heavy and costly burden to bear!  

      With the advent of laws like Lulu and Leo's Law and many advocacy groups like the NDWA calling for better protections for both families and workers, the trend will be for more and more domestic workers to be paid in a legal manner. For this reason, we have compiled the benefits of legal pay. Here are our top 10 reasons why nannies and housekeepers should insist on being paid "on the books" right now. 

      When you insist on being paid legally, this demonstrates to a family that you take your job seriously as a professional who needs to be compensated fairly and legally for your work. It shows that you are committed to your work supporting them, and that you are also relying on them to support you as you make a long-term living, just as you would in any other field. 
     When your employer agrees to pay legally, they are demonstrating their belief that you deserve legal protections and benefits, just as they receive in their work, too!  Even though they may be offering a lot of great benefits like guaranteed minimum hours and paid time-off, they also believe that ethically, you deserve an extra level of protection as individual and professional.  ​

      Let’s say that on Sunday night, you get a text from your boss that tomorrow, you are no longer needed because a spot opened at daycare, and their child starts the next morning. Now, most parents would not leave you high and dry without notice, (especially if you have a solid work agreement in place before the job commences!), however you may never know your employer's private financial situation or debts. They may appear to have it all, and then the economy crashes overnight, or they find out they have lost every penny to a Ponzi scheme, and now they find themselves unable to pay you the $2500 buffer you were relying on. Stranger things have happened; you need to be protected from situations that are outside of your control. 
    While domestic employees in New York are hired “at-will”, meaning you may be terminated without notice or reason at any time, unemployment is there to provide you with a financial buffer while you search for a new job.  If you’re laid off due to no fault of your own, and you are able to work in some industry, you are eligible - even in some instances of justifiable firing, you may still be eligible. This is only available to people who are paid legally in their most recent long-term position.

Even if you are outside of NYS, should you have an injury that leads to a long leave from work, you may be eligible to receive Disability coverage from the government as well. This would cover part of your income, and make sure that you are not in an even larger financial bind.  If you are out of work because of an injury, but don't have traceable or substantial income reported, the income coverage would be significantly lowered, if available at all.

 ​The details and benefits will upgrade year to year, but beginning in 2019,  you would be eligible for 10 weeks paid leave per year, up to 55% of your weekly salary, with a maximum of roughly $746/week; By 2021, 67% of your salary may be covered for up to 12 weeks. This is separate from FMLA, and is specific to New York State. For more information, click here.

      Any employer who chooses to pay their employee 'under the table' runs the risk of being audited, particularly if all parents are working full-time, and they can't prove payments made for childcare. An audit will have their finances called into question by the government, and if your employer is audited, you too may be at risk for your portion of employment taxes. If your employer doesn't remit taxes on your behalf, you may be asked to account for those taxes by the government. While it is not the law that the employers withhold your portion of taxes in New York for you (you must request that they do this, and the majority do when using a payroll service), it is the law that you pay your portion. If it is not withheld, we recommend setting aside a conservative percentage based on your state in a separate savings account so you have enough to pay at the end of the year.
       If you or your employers were to be audited, the government makes a habit of looking back several years, meaning you could be set up on a hefty payment plan to hand over whatever amount you would have owed in taxes from previous years. 

      Should the day come when you want to make a big "life-investment", be it purchasing a new home or car, or even renting a new apartment, you will often be required to provide proof of income; not just for present time, but also from the past two years! Lenders want to make sure you are a consistent earner and responsible spender, and you will need a paper trail to prove your track-record of financial credibility. Cash-employees will often have a difficult (likely impossible) time providing legitimate proof of income that would hold up to scrutiny. This can be a real hold-up, and potential block, if you are in the throes of purchasing a home. 
        Not buying a car, home, or renting an apartment now? Think two or three years ahead. Even if your credit is terrible, First Time Homebuyer Loans make this dream possible for more people, so as home prices continue to rise, now is a great time to get on the books and start accepting legal pay! 

Take it from us, the people who interview many qualified, career candidates who have been paid cash for years: it is very challenging for nannies and housekeeper to leap from a high dollar cash take-home salary per week to a far lower net wage. When you are not used to this, it will require a large lifestyle adjustment for yourself and family, when that time comes.
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     Talking to your employer about transitioning from a cash-salary, to an "on the books" salary is going to take a big shift. Essentially your employer will have to make a drastic increase in your pre-taxed (gross) pay-rate in order for you to be taking home the same amount as you were before, and it's possible that financially, they simply cannot swing it, as they will be paying 12-25% more than they are used to, depending on where you live.

​       If your employer isn't able to increase your rate enough for you to be taking home a net-salary that is comparable to your cash salary, meet in the middle!  Start by taking a lower take-home wage, knowing that they are giving you a gross-wage raise. That being said, employees who are paid on the books, will also be eligible for a tax-return at the end of the fiscal year where you would get a portion of that back, so don't be too demanding of your employers if you really love your job in all other aspects.

        The amount of taxable income which you report to the government each year makes up your 'covered income' and directly affects the amount of money you may receive each month when you retire. In other words, if you pay in for 45 years instead of 10, you will have far more to retire on. Therefore, for your future, it's better to start paying income taxes sooner rather than later! ​

      Finding a boss who is willing to pay you on-the-books, means that your boss is more likely to view you as an employee with certain inalienable rights.  A working agreement that is based on a clear contract and a taxed salary can protect you from various instances of employee discrimination, wrongful termination, harassment in the workplace, withholding of overtime, and various other workplace injustices.
        Many employers who pay cash may hesitate to put anything in writing to avoid a paper trail of employment in the event they were to be audited -- this translates to no work agreement for you or contract for you to fall back on or reference.

      Last of all, paying your taxes is the right thing to do! The money you pay in taxes goes to many places. In addition to paying the salaries of government workers, your tax dollars also help to support common resources that we all utilize, such as safe and well-maintained roads, police and fire departments, post-offices, public libraries and parks, as well as caring for your fellow neighbors and children who presently may not be able to care for themselves.  

        In conclusion, starting a job with mutual professional respect is the best foot to start on. By you and your employer insisting to operate according to the law affirms that this is a true, professional career, with the commitment to integrity and respect toward both parties. 
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But aren't nannies 1099 workers?  On the family/employer side of things, there is sometimes confusion about the classification of domestic employees and who is responsible for their taxes. However, make no mistake: by law, nannies and housekeepers are classified as household employees of the family, unless they are hired through a company who is paying them as an employee; nannies and housekeepers are not contractors. Families must provide you a W-2 at the end of the year.
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Have a question about being paid or hiring "on-the-books" versus in cash? Send us an email and we will do our best to direct you to where you may find your answer. 

Earlier this summer, New York Senator Andrew Lanza and Assemblyman Steve Otis together announced a new piece of legislature which could have a profound effect on the childcare industry. The bill which they have proposed to Governor Cuomo essentially serves to criminalize the misrepresentation of a caregiver's qualifications or experience. If this bill is passed into law, not only will it provide much more concrete reassurance for parents who are seeking qualified childcare, it will also serve to legitimize the job market for nannies themselves who could have a greater precedent to demand better working rights as domestic employees.   

This new passage of legislation will hold legally accountable anyone who is applying for an in-home childcare position, or providing a reference on behalf of the individual being considered. In either instance, an individual who is found to have provided a false written statement in support of oneself, or another person, for purposes of securing employment as a caregiver to children in the home, could now be found guilty of a Class A Misdemeanor and face up to 6 months imprisonment. The bill would target those who make false statements about the applicant’s background related to their ability to safely provide care. 

To many, the introduction of such a bill might seem extraneous, something of a given. Unfortunately, this is far from the case. The supplying of false references, and mis-information by nanny candidates is rampant, common practice by applicants who lack actual experience or qualification in the field. For busy parents who do not have the time or resources to conduct thorough background checks and employment verification, these discrepancies fall quietly through the cracks. What is further, however, is that up until this point, there is no legal ramification holding nanny candidates, or fictitious references, accountable for providing false information in pursuit of employment. 

Essentially, right now a nanny who you have hired based on false information, cannot be held accountable for misrepresenting their qualifications in a court of law. The consequences of these distortions of the truth become tragic when, as in the epithetic case of Lulu and Leo Krim, parents hire an unqualified and improperly vetted nanny based on false accounts of experience by the candidate and others. It is the Krim parents themselves who have worked tirelessly in the years since the deaths of their two young children to bring this new piece of legislation into reality. The 2012 murder of their children Lulu and Leo Krim at the hands of their caregiver who had no previous experience caring for children highlighted the need for greater scrutiny of those who seek these positions. 

Assemblyman Otis, stated, "With this legislation, New York law will be clear that misrepresentation of qualifications for caregivers for children is against the law. With accurate information, the safety of families and children will be safeguarded.” Future parents can rest a little easier, when leaving their child in the hands of a hired caretaker, that the individual is who they say they are, and actually has the experience stated on their resume. 

Additionally, this new bill provides that “caregiver” be defined as someone hired to provide fifteen or more hours of care per week in the home of such children or in the home of the caregiver, with the exception of those entities licensed under the social services law. For nannies, the definitional provisions of this new bill could actually be a professional asset. By giving a clear and explicit interpretation to the definition of domestic work, this law could lay a foundation for future legislation regarding caregiver and other in-home roles. Until 2010, when New York became the first state to enact a Domestic Workers Bill of Rights, domestic workers existed largely starved of any state-sanctioned workers rights. Even now, the rights for in-home employees are much less comprehensive than for workers of most other sectors. While Lulu and Leo's Law, on the one hand, aims to increase accountability by domestic workers by obliging them to provide factual resumes and references, this increased legitimacy for domestic workers will, in turn, give a greater precedent for these workers to demand certain legal rights from their employers and from the law. Every step to legitimize the scope of domestic work, is a step in the right direction! 

​Unfamiliar with Lulu and Leo's story? Read up on their organization here.

Are you a nanny here in NYC and wondering how the enactment of Lulu and Leo's law will affect you? Get in touch with us and ask us any questions and we're happy to try and answer them! 

Are you ready to redo your professional nanny resume, and make sure its up to par? Check out our previous blog-post on How to Write a Nanny Resume Like a Champ 

The coming of the new school year brings with it a wave of panic to parents who are being inundated with back-to-school lists, shopping reminders, activity sign-ups, new schedules, and more. Here's where you, the nanny expert can chime in!

Here are some tips of how to offer your nanny-family a helping hand in taking on some of the many responsibilities that are sure to arise in this busy planning season. Offering to tackle the stress together will be an invaluable help to your nanny-family!

It is likely the child's school has already provided a detailed list of school supplies that will be necessary for the following year. If you're dealing with multiple school-aged children, print out those lists for side-by-side comparison. That way, you can make a comprehensive checklist of what needs to be bought or ordered. Make note of anything that you will need to buy two of, and do a quick sweep of the children's supplies to see what they already have. Once the list is compiled, head to the stores together to buy the materials (always fun for the kids!) and make notes of anything that will need to be ordered specially from somewhere else.

Don't forget: be sure to check with the parent's before making any purchases for the kids! Have them give everything a once-over first. ​

Back to school season often signals to parents that it's time to switch out some of their child's old or outgrown clothes, and replace them with new clothes for the new school year.
       Give your nanny-family a hand, by offering to go through the child's closet or wardrobe. Chances are you know pretty well which items of clothing are getting too small, or have been worn beyond the point of return. If you're on the fence about certain items, have the children put on a fun fashion show and make sure they actually still fit. 

Don't forget: Put all of the small, outgoing clothes neatly in a labeled bag, and make sure that to give the parent's a chance to go through it, if they prefer. Offer to take any clothes which are still in good condition to a local second-hand store! 

Often times, heading back to school, or beginning school for the first time, can be a stressful period of transition for your child. Help alleviate some of their anxiety by preparing them early! Bring up the start of the school year now, so they can begin to adjust to the idea. Reassure and remind them how much fun school is, and how great it will be to be reunited with their peers. The week before school, ease the children back into a school-like schedule, if you let things get a little looser for the summer months. Making sure to have meal-times back on track, and some afternoon time devoted to reading or other quiet learning activities will help the children mentally prepare to go back to school season. 

Don't forget:  If you're planning to slowly get the schedule back on track, make sure your bosses are on board as well! If calm afternoons and early bed time is only enforced on your watch, it may be counter-productive. Make sure you are all on the same page about the timing of the phase in.

​We hope these tips help you and your nanny family prepare for the back to school season ahead! 
Have some advice of your own on how to help prepare your charge for the school year ahead? We'd love to hear it! 

Are you a parent looking for a new full-time or after-school nanny for the school year ahead? Get in touch with us! 

​- KITH & KIN

Last month, our founder, Christa, sat down for a conversation with the founder of the Prenatal Yoga Center, Deb Flashenberg, on her podcast Yoga | Birth | Babies. The episode is called NANNY 101. ​ Shared within it are tips and tricks for hiring and employing a nanny or babysitter, whether temporarily or long-term. It's completely appropriate and helpful for nannies, too! 

Are you overwhelmed by the thought of how to hire a nanny in NYC?
Have you started the nanny search on your own, but need to run a nanny background check?
We are here to help you.
​Send us an email and tell us about your family's needs - we'd love to help you hire a nanny in NYC, or help you vet your own candidates properly! 

          Finding a new nanny job in NYC can be a daunting endeavor. There will be a lot of highly experienced, ready-for-anything nannies vying for that amazing position. When you’re up against dozens of other competent nanny candidates, families and agencies will often not even consider candidates who don’t have a professional nanny resume. Having a polished, professional nanny resume is the very best way to ensure that you will get your foot in the door past that first hurdle, and onto an interview.
         When working with kids, it’s okay to have a little more fun on your resume than you might in other job fields - but you want to make sure that you’re still keeping it professional and always including a few key pieces of information.

 ​                                             Household Experience
For each and every Nanny or Housekeeper position you have held we always recommend listing your relevant positions in reverse chronological order (most recent at the top). When listing your childcare experience be sure to include:
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1. On one line, state only the last name of the family, if permitted (no first names), and the city and state job was located
2. Month and year of start and end of position: be specific to give a clear picture
3. Specify whether full or part time; long-term, or temporary
4. ​The number and  ages of children when you started (ex: "3 month old and 4 year old at start of position")
5. Bulleted list of duties, with between 2 to 5 bullet points, condensing where necessary (avoid the paragraphs - one sentence per bullet will do)

​                       •  Use the bullet points or indentation to give a quick description of each childcare position, for instance “Responsible for the full-care of their infant son including: bottle feeding, naps, diapers, tummy time, and laundry” or “Assisted with after-school care for two children ranging from travel between activities, homework help, dinner preparation, and bedtime routine”.
​                       •  Be specific without writing an essay. If you were taking on tasks such as arranging playdates, or scheduling for the gardeners to come, this can be described as “Activity planning” or “Arranging household maintenance”. No task is too small to consider, it’s just a matter of presenting it as an employable skill! 
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The biggest mistake we see is when a candidate has a resume, but needs to add, remove, or edit experience on the document, but has no way to do it, and has to start all over. Beware of companies promising to build you a resume if it is not yours to edit forever. What's the point in spending all this time making an awesome resume if it's going to be invalid in a year? 
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1. CANVA, for some fancy, visually stunning goodness
2. Good ol' Google Docs using their template builders (see our example we built below)
      You need to have an account with each of these services, but first, it's free, and second, you can save it forever and edit it whenever you want over the years! Once you finish your degree, you can change "in progress" to "graduated". If your boss moves away and you just finished your position, change "currently employed" to the month and year it ended. The bottom line is, ​keep your resume editable and accessible. ​

Here is a sample resume we have built. Note how have a visually clear and detailed resume works wonders - the viewer actually wants to review it. 

To safely hire a new nanny (or even an assistant, or housekeeper!) is a serious undertaking, and should be handled with a certain extent of scrutiny and attention to detail. Your new hire will be working intimately in your home and with your children - so it's important to make sure that you have verified peace of mind before you bring someone on.

      You may have heard a recent horror story, in which a New York City family returned home to find their new hire had systematically robbed their home of various furniture and possessions while the family were at work and school, after calling in sick and hiring movers to empty the house. While this story is extremely rare, there are lessons to be learned from this, and certain precautions that we would always recommend in order to screen your new nanny or any in-home personnel. While working with our nanny agency, there are certain built-in verification standards to which we hold all of our candidates. However if you are undertaking your search for a new employee on your own...

        Here are a few insider tips on how to safely hire a nanny to ensure that your new hire has been properly vetted and can become a trusted role in your home. 
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​    First, validating identity is essential. We would highly, highly recommend using a legitimate background check company to do this. An identity verification can often still be run with a foreign passport. In the case above, all the IDs provided by the nanny were fake, but this was only realized after the crime was committed. With today's technology, telling a real from a fake ID can be harder than you'd imagine for the untrained eye. Hiring an outside company to assist you with a background verification will ensure peace of mind.
       Our nanny agency offers nanny candidate background checks a la carte for clients all the time, as do several other NYC nanny agencies, to best help you safely hire a nanny. Even if you aren't using the agency's services for your recruitment search, they often will still offer background verification as a standalone service, at a relatively inexpensive cost.  
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       Our last bit of advice is to install at least one visible security camera in the apartment or on the outside of your home before you leave your in-home caretaker for the first time. We highly recommend that it is visible so that your employee knows of it's presence. While voice recording is illegal in some states without express two-party consent, a soundless video camera is acceptable. because informing the caregiver about the camera first  
        Alerting the caregiver to it in advance will build a relationship of openness and trust, and will break any possible tension or hurt they may feel if they had found it on their own. Imagine your partner was spying on you, and what emotions that would bring up. A nanny may similarly feel the same, as this person is, in a way, a partner and co-parent in your family. 
         Telling your employee upon hire about any cameras you have in your home also allows you the opportunity to put it back on yourself: "We have it for our apartment's security, but also because I just miss my baby in the day!" Most caregivers understand that to many families, safely hiring a nanny means a "nanny-cam;" and they may be completely fine with the presence of a camera if it's not secretive, and because they also know it can protect them in the event they are accused of something. The majority of nannies only really take issue with a camera when it is used to micromanage and critique their practice in real-time.
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Are you looking for background verification services to make sure you hire a nanny safely? 
Check out our services on our website.

1.  Toss out the old adage, "Do As I Say, Not As I Do".
        Be aware that your child sees everything you do (scary!), the good and the not-so-good. You may tell them to be patient, kind, and understanding, but if they don't see this, they won't practice it. For example... 

• How do you react when someone messes up your order?
• What subtle shifts in your behavior happen when walking behind a person who is distractedly text-messaging?
• How do you speak about other people in front of them, and what does your tone, judgments, and assumptions about the other person indirectly tell your child is an acceptable way to approach a situation?
• Do your children regularly see you taking care of yourself, exercising, eating with decent nutrition, reading a book, or working hard in your job?

2.  Extend your values to them as well.
       A lot of parents and nannies would say that they want to teach a child to respect others, forgetting that the child is also someone who needs to be shown patience, kindness, understanding, and forgiveness and respect, too! The best way to instill values into children is simply by letting them experience what it feels like to receive these things.

• Demonstrate your respect for their individuality by giving them warnings before transition times, or letting them pick the order of activities they like, or tasks that must be done. Make sure they have space in the home where they may continually work on a project, like their figurines, Legos or block building, without having to clean it up every time. (Ex: "We need to get ready for swimming in 15 minutes, so I will give you one five minute warning when it's time to put down your book.")
• Show them understanding by listening and responding to their cries, even when you are firm about your demand. (Ex: "I hear that you don't want to put on your shoes. It is hard sometimes to get ready in the morning! But times is up now, and we need to get moving together.") This isn't to say don't exercise a boundary or enforce what you need them to do -- just to say that you understand they are upset. Sometimes being understood is all a child needs to feel your love and cope with discomfort.

3.  Admit your mistakes.
       Don't be afraid to own up to a misstep. No one is perfect, and to not admit when you've done wrong may lead to your child feeling that they have to hide their mistakes from you for fear that you may reject their error. 

• If you snapped at them and lost your patience as we all do, apologize for it, and say that even grown ups make mistakes. You can always restate that you still expect them to listen to what you say, but that next time there may be a consequence without you losing your temper.
• If they feel disrespected because you need to rush them out the door, explain why -- maybe you overslept or weren't feeling well, or maybe they just didn't listen to your "Time's up" warnings, and the consequence was that they had to stop at an inconvenient moment. 
• Model "openness" in an appropriate manner: it's so much easier for a child to be open with you about their struggles if you are also modeling that openness, too. 

Values look different to each family and caregiver.
      Of course we all want our children to be high achievers, and have fun in life. We of course want them to be forgiving and kind, and we want them to also be assertive and stand their ground when it's time. We all want them to be respectful, and we want them to also recognize their right to being respected.
The trick for us to successfully instill values into children is finding where the balance lies within in each family.
​You want to make sure your caregiver is aligned with these values, and give them wiggle room to do things a little differently than you would. This is where great communication comes in handy!

Are you unsure about what your family's values are, or think you may need a tune up?
Here are some great resources you may want to investigate.
- "The New Family Values"
- Priceless Parenting
- Roots of Action

     Trust me, I don't like talking on the phone as much as the next person, but sometimes just hearing their voice, their tone and cadence, will reassure you this is a parent and not a creep. Ask them a couple questions about their kids, and ask them if there is any specialized care for their child for which you would be responsible.
      For the sitter above who was booked, she thought it was odd that when she would call that day, and over the previous five days before the scheduled day, no one would answer, nor return her call, and there was no formal voicemail. The "family" would only follow up via text. This may not have been a big deal, as she had reviews, and this is common for families to book with minimal effort. Lack of verbal contact before isn't a deal breaker, however coupled with the things below, you can quickly see where there was a problem.

      Let a friend or family member know the address where you plan to meet and the time you plan to leave by. Keep in touch via text once you arrive to say all is well, and if you are going to be late. Do this even when you are leaving the job to return to your house.  Safety when babysitting mostly comes down to covering your bases, and keeping others informed.

​       Most parents will have family photos or telltale signs that they are who they say they are. Make sure the story adds up! 
       The sitter above was caught off guard when no one was reserved in the hotel under the name on her booking. The lack of a voicemail was strike two.  They also gave her very common names, so it was impossible to verify who they were via Google.
      A way to combat this is to search for them on Google using their names, email addresses, and phone numbers. Something is bound to come up to proves they're a real person. 

      If you are working at a hotel, ask that they come and meet you, if you have any doubts that they are real people in need of babysitting.
      If you are working at an apartment in a building with a door attendant, ask the person if the family has children. They may be taken a back by it, but you can explain it is your first time meeting them.  If it is a private house and with no door attendant, what do you hear when you come up to the house? Is there laughter? Are there shoes, scooters, or bikes visible outdoors? Is there a large vehicle in the driveway, or a friendly welcome mat?
      You can always insist that they meet you halfway in your requests for a personal escort before entering their home - say its a tip for your safety when babysitting that you picked up - no parent will argue with that, and if they are the type to get annoyed or give an attitude, you don't have to work with them again!  Your  safety when babysitting is just as important as theirs and their children's. 

      When you show up, do you hear children laughing, talking, yelling, etc. outside of the room in the hallway, or out in the street? And if not, when the parent opens the door and there are no children present, is there evidence of children in the room, such as children's cups, clothing, shoes, stroller, and toys? If not, do not enter.
       Feel no need to be overly polite in this situation - even if your hesitations are wrong and there really is a family (maybe they just checked in and the kids are in the pool), they will absolutely respect you more for being so safety conscious - which will likely lead to you having a better review!  Simply say, "I'm sorry, I was told this booking was for x# of children, but I don't see them...  Oh, they are downstairs? No problem! I can meet them down there, or just wait out here in the hall or lobby. I insist." 
        The sitter in the story above was incredibly forward thinking to think about her personal  safety when babysitting. The third strike that ultimately lead to her leaving (quickly!) was when she was alert for the entire two hours waiting for them in the lobby to show up (after they kept texting, "10 more minutes"), she noticed no children walking through the lobby and up to the elevator. That, coupled with their unwillingness to escort her up, led her to walk right out. She made the right decision when considering her own safety when babysitting for this new family.

​So by now you may be wondering how did the family receive the news that their sitter played hardball and left after they would not call back or come and get her from the lobby... Well, after she texted and explained why she would wait 10 more minutes and if she didn't hear back, she would be leaving after waiting nearly 2.5 hours, they never wrote back to confirm, criticize, or say they understood and respected her reasons. 
​
Had she listened and just went upstairs as they insisted, I'm not sure what, if anything, would have happened to her, though given the high possibility this was not a family, she absolutely did the right thing.